Tuesday, February 22, 2011

If you do it too much, do you go blind?

I was cruising around the Lucy Carson Blog when I came across this blog. It's all about casturbation. Never heard of it? Well, let me tell you, not only have you experienced it, you probably enjoyed it too. Casturbation is the act of dreaming up who will play which characters in the movie based off your book.
I used to play this game with a whole group of people; it was our favorite thing to do. (Is it Cax if you do it with more than one person? Is it a Corgy when you do it in a group?). Of course, I should explain and give some context. At the time I was fencing a lot, and no, I don't mean black market goods, I mean honest to goodness swordplay. Fencers tend to round out the field left of middle. Oh hell, they aren't even in the ball park, they're casing the cars in the parking lot for random D&D books (though they might break in for a nice bit of anime, or a tome on medieval French art). The point is, fencers are strangely educated and diverse. Despite that they are easily categorized, but they are notoriously difficult to pin down in any meaningful way when it comes to real characterization. I think the nicest term I've ever heard was elegant nerd. One of the less nice terms I heard bandied about was murderous. Both fit. It's hard to capture that in a character who, at best, gets a slice of 90 minutes in a screen play.
So we'd sit around and try to dream up how a movie about our escapades would go. Inevitably we'd get stuck in casturbation (corgy?).  Man I loved those games.  I think our favorite cast included the likes of Christian Bale, Lucy Lawless, Jeff Goldblum (yeah Ethan, that's at you), Charlize Theron, Brad Pitt, and of course Angelina Jolie. In short, the beautiful people.
But that was fun. We knew better. It was fun. But like all addictive things, you have to be careful. It's habit forming, and it's a bad habit for writers. It's even worse when query letters involve casturbation. If you read the link, you'll know I'm not even joking.
Yowsers, I thought everyone knew not to casturbate in public.

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