Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Silence is Golden...

...but duct tape is silver

I have a big mouth, and I don’t mean it’s aesthetically unpleasing. I could stuff both my size 11 feet in my mouth at the same time, usually in the same conversation. I’m flexible that way.
Occasionally even I’ve managed to hold my snarky tongue in check.

After being rear-ended, the other driver got out of his car and kept saying “you just stopped.”
What I didn’t say, but really wanted to: “It’s a stop light, shockingly, people stop at them.”
I’d count that as a solid point of karma in my direction.

When I rushed (no I didn’t join any sororities, but that’s a whole other story), everyone would ask what my major was. I’d answer truthfully, physics. Then their eyes would get bigger and they’d say “Oh wow, you must be smart or something.”
What I didn’t say: “Something, I’m definitely something.”

My favorite observed biting of the tongue was the time I watched a reporter interview a geophysicist after the Northridge earthquake. The reporter said “How many undiscovered faults are in the Los Angeles area?” Then she stuffed the mic into the geologists face. Everyone paused, and the geologist looked at the mic like it was giant slab of chocolate she was dying to take a bite of. Her eyes twinkled as she tried not to say something. I’ve always assumed she wanted to say, “Seven! There are exactly seven undiscovered faults in the LA area, we just aren’t allowed to talk about them. Not until they’re discovered.” 

Ever hold back that snarky response?


  1. No! And that gets me into trouble! My family are all smart alecks, and sometimes I get myself into trouble for snarky comments. :D

  2. That is what I call massive constraint. My mouth is definitely my weakest (and strongest) attribute, and it's way hard to keep it in check. I have a really hard time not calling my professors "dude," for instance.


I love comments! Let me know what's on your mind.