Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Hearing voices: Part two


So last time we met Warwick, the conflicted bad guy of my Super Hero Novel of Awesome (I think that’s my new favorite title: SHNA), and today we are going to have another encounter from that novel. This scene exists, but will never actually happen in the novel, so here it goes.

“How did you do it?”
“My dear Warwick, whatever do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Raijin. How did you get the Elders to assign you my new apprentice?”
“So now she’s your apprentice. Funny, but the Elders didn’t seem to think you’d done such a hot job on your *last* apprentice.”
“Edana wasn’t my fault.”
“Which part? The part where I found you in bed with her, or the part where you got her killed?”
“Raijin, please listen to me, this apprentice of yours, it’s important.”
“Huh, well, she is now. Tell me, why exactly is she the key to your newest scheme?”
“I… look, just don’t do anything stupid with her, okay?”
“Like sleep with her? I don’t swing that way.”
“Damnit, everything in life isn’t about sex.”
“Oh, then why is it always about sex with you?”
“Because I love you.”
“You lying sonuva bitch. Get out of my way, I’ve got a rookie to train, and you can sure as shit bet that when I’m through, they’ll be singing songs about her in Andromeda.”
“You have no idea what you’re doing.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Please, Raijin, just keep her away from Ceafoo, that’s all I ask.”
“Sorry, but the telepath handed her over to me. She’s already tagged.”
“Shit!”
“Tell me what’s going on, Warwick.”
“I can’t let you get involved.”
“Involved in what? I’m already a Knight, it’s not like that comes with a pension plan.”
“Just… just watch your back.”

And there it is. Turns out I hate writing without tags. I love dialogue, but a slap in there would have gone a long way (or maybe a knuckle sandwich, Raijin isn’t so feminine).

Thank you to everyone who stopped by for the first installment and I hope you enjoyed this slice of SHNA.

33 comments:

Jess said...

Wow, I love it! You did a great job keep the tension throughout the scene, I loved reading the whole thing! Great job :)

Tara Tyler said...

dont worry. the slap was felt in the stinging wit!
great slice!

Emily R. King said...

Ha! Knight's don't get pension plans? Bummer.

Jenny S. Morris said...

Oh, but you did a great job to convey the tension without the tages. I'm really starting to like Warwick. Oh wait. I'm not supposed to like him, right?

Rena said...

Ah, but that's the thing about Warwick, he is well liked. He makes friends and influences people. But he has this other problem that we try not to talk about (you know the whole believing the enemy's propaganda, thing).

Rena said...

The full joke is Knights don't get pension plans, they get death benefits.

Rena said...

Oh good, I always get worried. that they aren't showing up because I can see the whole thing so readily in my mind.

Rena said...

Thanks, and yeah, I've been thinking a lot about tension lately, so that's good to know.

Emily R. King said...

Even better. Ha! This was great!

Hywela Lyn said...

This sounds like a fascinating book, and the tension between them was electric. Great post!

Kyra Lennon said...

Ooh, very tense stuff! I wish that scene was allowed to be a few sentences longer! (Actually, I'd like to read the whole story lol).

Ashley Nixon said...

who! Tension and suspense!! I wanna know what's going on! Great job!

Rena said...

Thanks, these two have more history than future, if you know what I mean.

Rena said...

I know what you mean. It was hard to choose where to cut it off, but this Blog fest is about me getting to know some of the other characters in my WIP, so I closed up a thought and went with it.

Rena said...

Thanks, Ashley. I'd like to spill the beans, but half of all stories is the telling of it. I haven't finished this one.

Melissa Sugar said...

You did an excellent job. I love how I could feel the tension building and building. I want to read more.

I am a new follower from the bloghop.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Tags do help, but writing without them stregthens your flexibility and dialogue! The tension and the teases made me want to read more, Roland -- your new follower.

Angela Cothran said...

Well done. I love that I got a sense of their history, but it was still really mysterious. Fun piece :)

Kelley said...

I thought it was very good without the tags! Totally loved it!

*new follower!*

Sara said...

Hmmm. I wonder what it is that makes her so dangerous. It is good without tags though, each character has a distinct voice so I could follow it.

Nicole Zoltack said...

Oh this was fun! Favorite line: I’m already a Knight, it’s not like that comes with a pension plan.

Justin W. Parente said...

Very good dialogue, especially the part about bedding the apprentice versus her being dead. Two different ends of the spectrum for this conversation. Thanks for sharing.

Sarah Pearson said...

Wait, what? What happens next? I want more!

Cassie Mae said...

This was awesome! And I thought it was great even without the tags. Each character had their own distinct voice.

Great!

Rena said...

Thanks! This is a WIP, but I'm sure there will be more in the future.

Rena said...

I agree, and i have to admit that writing without them makes me look at them a little more carefully for voice.

Rena said...

Fantastic. These two have a very loaded history, so it's good to know that's coming through.

Rena said...

Thanks Kelley.

Rena said...

Raijin is dangerous because she is really good with her chakka (think comic book power ring, and you've got it). The other thing that makes her dangerous is that Warwick loves her.

Rena said...

Thanks, Nicole. That's one of my favorite lines too.

Rena said...

Thanks for stopping by.

Rena said...

So what happens next is that the apprentice (the POV character who's been eavesdropping) comes in and they pretend to have not been talking.

Rena said...

Thanks Cassie, and thanks again for hosting awesome blog fest of awesome