Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Voice!

Wow, after much shaking, I managed to message Mr. Linky into letting me join the Writer's voice contest (as contestant number 151, so no one is happier than me when I saw that they decided to take an extra 25 entries).  I am sorry for not using my name in the contest, but as you can see here, I'm sort of between names at the moment (feel free to vote and enter).

So without further shakiness, here is the query letter and the first 250.





Plot Summary:


Allyson has never met her father. She has moved more times than she’s had birthdays, and she has never had a best friend until Beth. With legendary acne, worsening asthma and abysmal grades, Allyson just wants to meet the father who turned her mother into a paranoid move-across-the-nation freak, but when Allyson accidentally spits fire on kidnappers at the mall, she starts putting the pieces together: Allyson is half dragon and never knew it. Her acne? Emerging scales. Her long time asthma? Actually a fiery breath weapon. Through it all, best friend Beth doesn’t bat an eyelash; she’s half troll after all, and trolls have an even worse reputation than dragons.

When kidnappers steal a half-unicorn child prodigy, Beth gets blamed, and the unicorns solve their problems through death. Allyson is determined to prove Beth’s innocence and keep her off the unicorn chopping block, but when they search for the kidnappers, they get a call from the last person they expected, Allyson’s father. He knows where the kidnappers take their victims, there’s just one problem: he works for them, and he’ll do anything to stop someone from taking the victims back. Now Allyson has to choose between exonerating her best friend or joining the father she’s dreamt of to claim her heritage.

LEGACY, a YA urban fantasy novel, is complete at 65,000 words.


First 250 words:

 
I always assumed meeting my father would open a door to me, like he held the key to my secret life. My mother and I moved around the US, never staying longer than six months. I thought it was the witness protection program—one with dingy apartments and ramen dinners—and someday my father would show up and say “I’m done, we can be a family now.” But my mother lied to me for 15 years, and the day I met my father, he died.


Seven Days Before: Mall in Albuquerque, NM


Muzak filled the mall, and the place smelled like cheap plastic, fake gold and too much perfume. I stood in front of a shop for full figured women with my only friend Beth. “That’s awesome,” Beth said, pointing at a blue jacket. 

“Try it on,” I said. 

Beth shrugged. “The clothes in that store never fit right. I just don’t have the breasts of other full figured women,” she said, rolling the r in breast. “Just look at me, Allyson. I can bench a bull, but I’m not wining any wet t-shirt contests.”

“How do you know unless you try it on?” I pushed her towards the window, and she stumbled forward into the foot traffic. I must have caught her by surprise because no one just pushes Beth anywhere. Refrigerators are intimidated by Beth. She’s tall, blond, and could go pro-wrestler/roller derby diva at the drop of a hat.

Beth bumped into a guy even taller than her.

33 comments:

  1. What an interesting concept!!! Congrats number 151 ;)

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    1. Thank you. The concept has a funny origin, maybe I'll link back to it some time.

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  2. This story appealed to me. I want to know who the tall guy at the very end is! Anne (#102)

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    1. Thanks, Anne. The guy is John, and he becomes very important later on.

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  3. This is a very imaginative idea - I love it!

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  4. Great opening line. Good luck!

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    1. I won't lie, I agonized over that first line.

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  5. that is amazing! your voice is truly incredible! and condensing the "prologue" into a paragraph makes me want to copy that idea!

    thanks for keeping me up on the latest. technology sucks! you're the best! glad you got in!

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    1. Thanks Tara! I tried hard to find a way to jump in without a prologue, but it just didn't ever feel right.

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  6. I just have to say you really know how to write a good query - all the elements are there and in a creative and exciting way. And you opened up with great conflict in your first 250. Love love love "the day I met my father, he died." Excellent! Best of luck with it :)

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    1. Thanks Shiela, I'm not going to lie and say "Oh, queries are easy" 'cause they're not. They are brutal hard work. Thanks for stopping by.

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  7. I think this sounds really cool. Great query, too! Good luck!

    -Sarah #146

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    1. Thanks. I like the sound of your project too. Thanks for stopping by.

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  8. I agree with the others--great query and voice! Good luck!

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  9. "I can bench a bull, but I’m not wining any wet t-shirt contests.”

    LOL this line says it all! Congrats on getting in. And good luck. This story sounds so fun.

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    1. I'm so happy you got in too. I saw you in the first round, but then you got deleted.

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  10. Great entry! Good luck in the contest! -April, #61

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  11. I really like the changes you made to the first 250; I have a much better picture of Beth now but I still love that she can intimidate refrigerators. ^_^ Here's hoping we both get chosen for this.

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    1. Thanks, I have to admit, cutting out the super best friend bit hurt.... But I can see that it wasn't doing me any favors. Thank you.

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  12. Hi Rena, I'm visiting your blog from the Writer's Voice Contest (entry #58), and I wanted to wish you the best of luck! I'm also now your newest follower, so: nice to meet you!

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    1. Hi Matt, I'm glad you made it this far, you only have 49 entries after mine!

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  13. Nice! I like the concept!

    Good luck in the contest!

    Summer - #40

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  14. Just a quick note from a fellow entrant to wish you luck. With the quality of writing in this contest I think we’ll all need it!

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  15. I really like this concept - even more after meeting Beth. :)

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  16. Aw, this sounds awesome!! Good luck!

    ~Nicole, entry 68

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  17. Ooh, I'd read this in a heartbeat!

    Good luck!

    Brandi #199

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  18. Great voice here, Rena! (Did I mention my MC's name is Rena?) :) Good luck!

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  19. Sounds like fun! I like Beth already.

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  20. Congrats! Happy for you, and good luck.

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  21. Woo hoo! I'm finally finishing up my rounds on making comments. I'm so glad we're on the same team! I love the sound of this, the half-dragons, trolls and unicorn. Man that just sounds like so much fun!

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I love comments! Let me know what's on your mind.