Sunday, June 3, 2012

A Scathing Review

Right, so when I use a title like that, a lot of people are thinking, “So you hated it…”

Ah, no, I actually rather enjoyed it. Still, there were some obvious issues that should have been resolved.

Snow White and the Huntsman.

First, I did enjoy this debacle.

Was it an unmitigated disaster? That depends on your definition of disaster.

If by disaster you mean plot lines that were started but insufficiently cashed in on, then yes: complete disaster. If you meant visually thrilling and expert acting, then no.

Ah, where to begin.

If you’ve seen Dan Wells’ seven points to plotting then this is a no brainer. They started a romance plot line and dropped it at pinch number 2 (Snow dies). They also gave poor Snow Plot Turn 1 and Pinch 1 without having to work for any of it, as if they couldn’t trust a certain actress to carry it off. In the villain’s plot line, they managed a complete arc making me wonder who the story was about, because the moment Charlize Theron’s character (you might remember her from Aeon Flux) dies—yeah, spoiler, the wicked witch doesn’t live through any telling of the Snow White Saga—the whole film dies with her.

Now, that being said, pretty much everything about this movie is awesome sauce on toast. The redemption of the huntsman is superb (I might be in the midst of a Thorgasm there, but seriously, Chris Hemsworth’s performance far outshown another actresses, you know the one who he spent most of his time on screen with!). And for the record, I cried when the Huntsman confessed his sins to the world. I didn’t cry when Snow bit the apple, FYI.

The evil queen is brilliant (OMG Aeon Flux, I LOVE YOU!!!). And again, the Huntsman is well played. Snow White has this moment—and if you’ve seen it you know what I mean—where I found myself saying, so crazy dead person makes everyone follow her without actually saying anything of value? WTF?

In short: Snow White and the Huntsman: Visually stunning, script could have used some love. If the other actress could have matched the wicked witch, it would have been phenomenal. As it was, the story was far more about the villain, and ends where the villain dies (seriously, what is the deal with the three whole minutes with Snow being crowned and almost crying? We could have used some effing closure).

Still, I enjoyed it, but it may be the worst edited movie I’ve seen in a while (I’m assuming that somewhere a script existed that had a payoff for the sub plots that were so masterfully crafted and then left to rot!).

I rate it a 3.5 (visually stunning, excellent villain, superb support, but crumby main character, and unresolved plot issues).

If you have an LCD with an awesome refresh rate, wait for Netflix. If you have a tv that still shoots electrons from the back to the screen, then go see it in a theater, but you can probably wait for the cheap seats (and even then, maybe a tight wad Tuesday showing will do…).

If you have an awesome in home theater, hold your horses and wait for the blue ray release. I’m sure it will have more of the interviews with Charlize Theron that are worth your time and effort anyway.

Don’t buy popcorn, so not worth it.

Any questions, leave them in the comments, and I’ll answer them as quickly as possible (For the record, I would rate the Avengers as a six out of five, The King’s Speech as a Five out of Five, and even the Never Ending Story as a 4.5 out of five because of its follow through, if that helps).


  1. Ha! I've heard lots of people say that it didn't live up to the hype. I haven't seen it--probably will wait for the blue-ray and watch it in the comforts of my home just to see what the fuss is all about. But yeah, your review just about sums up what other people have told me about the movie. :)

    1. That's exactly what you should do. I am sort of looking forward to the costumers take on the movie, because those were absolutely brilliant.

  2. I will probably keep the high priced ticket money in my pocket!

  3. i dont even know why they made this movie! i swear those hollywood people cannot be original! 2 snow whites on top of each other? whatever!

    they really need to read more!! we have a ton of original ideas!

    1. I thought it was a great idea, but they just couldn't cash in on anything they built. It was pretty disappointing.

  4. This doesn't surprise me. The trailers were everything you said--visually stunning, but completely muddled. What's it about? Well, they don't know.

    And this probably won't surprise you: the script had seven writers, only five of which were credited. So....Imma thinking it had problems from day one. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

    1. Yeah, that was sort of exactly the issue, no one seemed like they were at the helm.

      It was fun. Absolutely gorgeous, but lacking in any sort of structure.

      Just sad.


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