Welcome back to another stirring edition of me spewing my insecurities to the world. If you don't know what this is all about, be sure to check out Ninja Captain Alex and his co hosts, Eva Solar Melanie Schulz, Lisa-Buie Collard, and Stephen Tremp.
This month is brought to you by the letter T. As in, I've spread myself too thin.
I know, you're probably thinking that I'm whining. After all, if I love writing so much, why isn't it easy? Why doesn't it recharge me? Why do I talk about spending myself?
Right, well, those are ideals, and sometimes, there's more to it than writing and a full time job. Like writing and a full time job with extra overtime to make the bills. Or writing, job, overtime, and a kid who is absolutely a priority. Or writing job, overtime, helping out the parents, putting hours into things that need to happen for family security (I'm looking at you house hunting), things that need to happen to make houses livable, doing the one thing that is any fun in my life (and fun for others, so I guess I'll be doing that for the foreseeable future, which is great, cause i love it but it takes time), editing a book that has a deadline in a couple weeks, arranging to fly out of state for an event (again, super excited, but super tired already), trying to memorize lines (long story, can't explain now), provide required documents, bolster my "online presence," start thinking about marketing and coming up with a marketing plan, help other people with their marketing so I'll still have friends when it's time for me to share my release and cover reveals, and are you going to enter the writing contest?, you have an article to write for the paper, there's a job you need to apply for, there's a manuscript that needs a decision and an edit, a manuscript that needs to be written, and sweet mother of kittens you signed up for the A TO Z CHALLENGE!!! What, did I take my stupid pills when I agreed to this?
I have, perhaps, taken on more than I can muster. I'm not talking to my friends as much as I used to, and it makes me sad because those are supports I need, but now, I literally don't have time in the day. Like right now, I should be sleeping, but I've used up every other minute I had today, and it's the first wednesday of the month.
With every passing second I feel more and more like Bilbo when he was describing himself as butter spread over too much bread. At this point, I could cut out social media and survive, except, doing that will destroy my marketing, and I have a book out in exactly six months.
So yeah, I'm feeling a little insecure because I've written Laundry Soap on my hand for three days in a row and have yet to manage to pick it up from the store despite walking down that aisle more than once. I'm losing my mind--well, I might have never had it, but I was always very good at faking it. Now, I'm flubbing that up too. I know there isn't a panacea out there, but it feels better to admit that I've taken on more than I can chew.
And I admit, there may have been a person wiser than I who suggested my planned publishing schedule might be a little rigorous (the quote was "It's your funeral.") so I have no one to blame but myself.
And I really enjoyed doing the A to Z challenge videos. They shall live in beautiful obscurity on the internets, but I lurved making them. So yeah, I'm tired, but I lived. Now I just have to get to the next one of these posts. See, positive thinking.